Mary-sue and legolas
by OmniaVincit
Summary: NOT WHAT U EXPECT
1. Default Chapter

Mary-Sue lay curled up on her pink-and-frilly-and-ever-so-girly bedspread in her pink-and-frilly-and-ever-so-girly nightie. She was reading the Lord of the Rings for the gazzilioneth time. Naturally, she had done her homework the moment she got home, so she didn't have to worry about a thing. Her mummy called out that it was time for bed and Mary-Sue was very good and got into bed straight away without any fuss. She was just putting her Lord of the Rings book down on the bedside table when it happened. It started when she looked at the ring on the front cover that appeared to be spinning. Wow, thought Mary-Sue, I must be very tired. I must now go to sleep. But before she could roll over and do just that she found she was tumbling down an endless crevass. She felt very much like Alice. Then she landed with a soft 'thump' in a very-girly-but-not-revealing position. A few seconds later a old man came round the corner. At first Mary-Sue was scared because he was wearing a big grey dress and a big grey hat and he had lots and lots of grey hair and a big grey beard but then she relised who he was. Following him were four little people who rushed up to her and said "Hello, we are hobbits and we want you to go all motherly on us despite the fact that we are supposed to be about fifty years old and have cared for ourselves up to this point perfectly well." After that four other people came round the corner. They were all very stunned and the perfect and incredibly sexy girl that had landed there. Of course they began to argure over who she would marry. Boromir said "Marry me, I'm the bad guy who turns good and I know that turns you chicks on." But Aragorn snorted and said "Ha! Marry me! I'm the rugged mountain guy and I'm a king. Come with me if you like the strong and silent type, despite the fact I've already got another girl who's giving up immortality to be with be. But then the last one said "Marry me because I'm a prince and I have flawless features* and I'm a real good archer and I'm very brave and I bet you that if you marry me then something special will happen meaning you'll be immortal too and then we will live happily ever after."  
  
"Surely I must be dreaming." Murmed the dazed Mary-Sue.  
  
"You are." And she woke up. She was very upset but she didn't swear. Instead she got up to bake cookies for the Royal Children's Hospital like a good girl.  
  
*Author's Note: I do not think that!!! 


	2. Parody

Mary-Sue lay curled up on her black 'I hate God' bedspread in here black skirt and 'Death to the Angels' t-shirt. She was listening to a song called 'God is God' from the Blair witch project soundtrack. Naturally, she had not done her homework for the past six years, so she wasn't going to start now. Her mother called out that it was time for bed and Mary-Sue replied, "Fuck off you stupid cock sucker!" and walked out of her room and out the front door where her boyfriend was waiting on his motorbike. Without bothering with a helmet they took off. A car turned the corner and, blinded by the light, Mary-Sue's boyfriend crashed the motorbike into a streetlight. Mary-Sue opened her eyes not to see the world she knew but a grotty old man standing over her with a look in his eyes that told her his interest in her was more then platonic. She whipped out her hidden knife and held it out to stop anything he would try. That was when she realised he was wearing a dress. "Aargh! Transvestite!" she screamed as she scrambled to get away. Then a bunch of people who looked as though they had shrunk in the wash and had hairy feet came round the corner, followed by an ugly man who needed a shave and a haircut. He was carrying a sword. Behind him was a weird person with bright red hair and an axe. He too looked as though he had been stuffed into a washing machine. Finally two people came around. One had short blonde hair and was carrying a giant food platter that he was using as a shield. The other was a ditzy blonde who was putting on mascara and muttering about how 'perfection has costs'. "Who the hell are you freaks? And why am I here?" They all took one look at her and then she realised that they could see up her skirt. Standing up she repeated her question. "Listen baby, we don't know and frankly, we don't care. So can you please move out of the way?" Said the guy with the food platter. "You don't know who you are? Jeez, you're even dumber then you look. And believe me, that's saying something." "There is a way to send you back." Said the transvestite. "Oh yeah, and what would you know? Cross dressing loser." "To get back where you came from you need to become happier then you've ever been in your life. After you've done that you'll be transported back to whatever world you live in." "How do I know that you're telling the truth? And why would you want to help me?" "You can't blame him for wanting to get rid of you." Finally the people behind Food Platter and Transvestite spoke. The person continued on. "I'm sure you've noticed by now that I am incredibly gorgeous and I have found that you girls are very turned on by me. I guess I'm what you call a 'lust object'. In order to get rid of you I will, if I must, kiss you. That will obviously give you so much pleasure that you will be taken back to where ever you came from." He advanced towards her but on the way slipped and fell off the cliff they were on. That's when Mary-Sue noticed that they were on a giant mountain surrounded by snow. Up until that point she had been to confused to notice. Mary-Sue had never felt happier. She blinked and opened her eyes to the world she knew. 


End file.
